mommy guilt

i finally truly saw mommy guilt first hand today from professor mommy. and it was pretty pitiful.

i walk in the door this morning and of course, the twins freak out that i'm there and mommy or daddy may have to detach from them. one is sitting in her high chair eating a full sized chocolate croissant (healthy) and the other is clutching at mom. mom goes to put clutcher in the high chair and she goes ballistic, wailing "mama" over and over again. instead of saying something like "it's time to eat, you have to sit down" or anything of the sort, she stands in between both high chairs so that both her babies can hold on to her while in their seats. actually, the clutcher refuses to sit down, so she is standing in the high chair. mom hesitates for a second and looks like she is going to leave them be (as i stand there waiting to take over) but then changes her mind.

so, there she is standing there with both her kids wailing now. daddy comes in and makes it worse by trying to kiss one of them. part of me wondered how long she would have stood there if i hadn't interevened and said "girls, mama has to go get ready for work. you can hang out here with me" which i guess gave her the clearing she needed to actually remove herself from them and leave the room.

and you know what? in less than 2 minutes, the wailing stopped and they were as happy as can be with me.

all 3 kids know how to work their parents. just wail or whine a little and mom or dad will drop everything and tend to their needs, even if that means running late. mom and dad also know that the kids are fine once they leave the room, yet have a horrible time doing so. guilt.

here's a lovely example of dropping everything for the kids to make them happy. the other night, mom was going to be running late, so she left dinner directions for dad. 5 minutes before i am to leave, dad has both twins in his arms (big suprise, eh?) and asks me for a favor:

"yeah, i don't know how i am going to be able to go into the kitchen and make dinner holding both the twins, because if i put them down, they will cry. so, can you make it for me?" lucky for me, the process of the dinner required a few steps, so i couldn't make the dinner in the time i had left at work. what sucked was mom walked in right as i was leaving, so there was no dilemma for dad on how to make dinner.

seriously, you can't make dinner because you are holding 2 20 month old children who won't die if they cry for a few minutes? you aren't freakin FAILING them for putting them down. that's why they have feet and legs that work.

lawd.

while we're on the subject of parents, you should really read THIS article from the new york times. muy interesante.