Searching for Mary Poppins or Reporting Her Ass

Happy Monday to all of you! I've got two topics I'd like to touch on this morning....both of which I would also love some feedback on if you have any. Let's start with a book I have just begun.

"Searching for Mary Poppins" by Susan Davis and Gina Hyams (editors) "brings together 25 of today's leading women writers....to explore the emotional minefield of mother-nanny relationships, delving into the intimate and intricate issues that emerge when a mother turns the care of her child over to a stranger".

So far, I have only gotten past the foreward and the first story. However, I am pleased with the book to this point. I am happy to see a book that finally talks about what all is involved in the nanny/parent relationship. It's truly a dynamic that is hard to describe.

For the most part, we work in such close proximity with at least 1 parent, that it almost blurs the line between employer/friend/confidante/adopted child. And I think that line is blurred on both ends. I know I have gotten close with employers so that our relationship, while still professional, also had a close friend spin on it. And while that is a great bond to have, it can also make the professional relationship seem a bit weird at times.

I know it has to be hard for parents to hear a child tell them that they want the nanny to stay and that they don't "want" mommy or daddy. I know I've been in situations where a child came to me for comfort rather than mom or dad, who happened to be in the same room at the time. It was uncomfortable, yet I knew that it was because we had just spent the entire day together and it was a natural reaction at that instant. However,while some parents can deal with that and feel no animosity, I have dealt with parents who felt they needed to 'compete' with me. This saddened me, as I knew my role as a nanny and I knew that I was NOT a replacement for a parent. With said parent feeling the need for competition spoke of bigger issues, I think. But I knew that I would be looked at different.

So, tangent aside, I think this book is a beneficial one. I think new nannies should read this and see that they may be jumping into a much deeper situation than they think. I also think that any parent considering hiring a nanny needs to read this as well. On both sides, the ideals are so different from the reality of the situation. There are myths and stereotypes that need to be busted for both nannies and parents. This book may just shed some light on that.

If anyone out there is reading it or has read it, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'd love to hear your thoughts in general about the nanny/parent dynamic, as well as any stories you may want to share. Dialogue is always good for opening our minds a bit more.

Now, on to another topic. A new blog was brought to my attention by a friend of mine, as well as from a nanny whose blog I read rather religiously. It is called "I Saw Your Nanny" and is meant to be a place where people can go and 'report' or 'out' nannies that are not up to par on the job. While I am all for outing nannies that really are horrible and neglecting/abusing kids, I am just hoping this won't become a site where people can go and falsely accuse nannies without knowing the entire story. It seems that there could be assumptions made just by being an outsider looking at a situation. I know that I never jump to a conclusion that a person with a kid is either a nanny or a parent, because I DON'T KNOW. I get called the mommy for the porkchop all the time. I also try not to make assumptions on any situation that I see because I don't know all the facts. Granted, if I see any person being abusive to any other person, I can't just sit back. But if I see a nanny at Starbucks, sipping a latte while her charge is playing by himself over at the toys, I am not going to assume that she is neglecting him in order to have a caffeine fix. For all I know, this is a daily routine and allows a little down time for both of them. I know the little man and I would hit a particular Starbucks once a week so he could play and I could get a caffeine jolt. Just because I wasn't right down there on the floor playing, doesn't mean I was neglecting him.

Ok, so another tangent aside, I urge you to check out the blog. See what you think and let me know. I've posted a comment already. I'll be checking back there to see what evolves. There has already been a lot of cattiness, which I am hoping will die down over time. I am also hoping the owner of the blog will be able to keep it from getting to be a free for all. We shall see.

I do know this. I love what I do. If I didn't absolutely adore kids, I would not be in this field. I don't know how anyone cannot let their heart get involved. I don't understand those who do it for just the money or whatever other non child related reasons. I love being able to come to work in the morning and hear mommy, daddy and baby all be excited to see me. It makes me feel good to know that I am helping these 2 people raise their little person. There is a mutual respect here that is something I've always held as an ideal when looking for a position. We all "get it" and that is such a nice thing to walk into every morning and close with at the end of the day. I wish every nanny could be as lucky as I am. I have been in horrible situations where I was walked all over and belittled and treated as 'staff'. I've learned and I've gotten out of there. But no matter what, whenever I leave a family, my heart breaks a little. It's never been a case of the children being the issue. They have stolen chunks of my heart that can never be replaced. And that is what makes even the most horrendous experiences worthwhile in some aspect.

Now that I am going off on yet another tangent, I will bring this to a close. But let me know your thoughts and opinions on all I've rambled about. I know that there are at least a few very articulate readers out there and I'd love to hear from you.

Tangents off. :) Have a great week!!!